


If I could have chosen

by RachelZappia



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: M/M, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 05:47:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21010727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelZappia/pseuds/RachelZappia
Summary: John is Transexual and is finding it hard to tell his band mates. Until a change meeting with his ex boyfriend Tim forces John to tell the boys the truth...





	If I could have chosen

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am with another Queen fic! Hope you guys like it and as usual PLEASE leave comments and kudos!

If I could have chosen 

Pairing: John Deacon, Freddie Mercury, Brian May, and Roger Taylor

Rating: Explicit

Description: John is transgender and has yet to come out to his band mates. He just can’t seem to find the right way to tell them- until a chance meeting with his ex-boyfriend Tim forces John to tell the band the truth…

John really didn’t know how he managed to keep it hidden so well. Living in a small flat with his three band mates and little to no boundaries, you would’ve thought someone would’ve noticed something by now.  
He always kept the bathroom door locked. His band mates just assumed he was overly shy and learned early on to let it go.  
He managed to keep his cycles hidden pretty well; always throwing the bathroom garbage regularly and washing his bloody underwear almost the minute it stained. He was determined he would tell them and not his body.

He had come so close to telling them on multiple occasions. During drunken games of truth or dare, he had more than once almost blurted out “I dare you to stick your hand down my pants.” But what would they have done if they went through with the dare? Would they have raped him? Thrown him out? Beat him within an inch of his life and called him a freak?  
He also thought of showing them the bloody carnage in the bathroom. But not only was that gross, but it just didn’t seem to be the right way to handle things.  
He was starting to think he would never find the right way to tell them.  
***  
They had just finished a gig at a bar called don’t tell momma and were packing up their instruments to leave when a voice behind them stopped John dead in his tracks.

“Well well if it isn’t John Deacon.”

Willing himself to not bust out in tears, John turned, putting his industrial strength mega cheerful face on. “Tim.”

The shaggy haired young man behind them was grinning so hard it seemed his mouth would slide right off of his face. “It’s been a long time hasn’t it John?”

Not long enough John thought dryly.

Brian, Freddie, and Roger hung behind John, obviously noting the tension, looking from Tim to John.

“Guys” John told them, willing his voice not to shake “this is Tim Staffel my- my-“

“I’m his ex boyfriend” Tim told them, still grinning like a maniac.

Before anyone could say anything to that, Tim asked “Has John ever mentioned his past at all? What exactly he used to be?”

“Tim stop” John begged, struggling to keep his voice steady.

“Have you ever seen anything weird in his bedroom? Or his bathroom?”

John had heard enough. “Tim follow me to the bar. Now.”

They walked to the crowded bar, John turning to Tim. “Why the hell are you doing this?”

“I haven’t seen you in over a year Johanna. I just wanted to make some friendly conversation.”

“Do not call me Johanna and now that you’ve said your pleasantries, you may leave.”

“Still got that attitude I see. I wonder if you still have a few other things.”

Tim began snaking his hand down to John’s crotch, John promptly smacking the hand away.

“Do not put your hands on me.”

“You used to love it Johanna.”

“How many times Tim? It’s John now.”

“I will never call you John. That’s a man’s name and you little freak are not a real man.”

Before John could respond, Roger appeared like a magician. “Is everything all right over here?” he asked, giving Tim a tight lipped smile.

John answered for them both. “We need to leave. Tim.” John stood, giving the man his back. 

“Johanna.” The name whispered across John’s neck like a snakes tongue as he grabbed Roger and almost ran out of the club.  
***  
Brian, Roger, and Freddie waited until they got into the flat before they began their interrogation.

“Are you all right darling?” Freddie asked him with a kind smile. “That meeting with your ex was a tad weird.”

“Deaky why was he putting so much emphasis on your name?” Brian asked in confusion.

“I saw him reach between your legs Deaky” Roger interrupted. “He didn’t assault you did he?”

John took a deep breath. He had to tell them. Tim had almost outed him tonight and that was not the way he wanted his best friends to find out.

John slowly took Brian’s hand and began to guide it towards his legs. “Deaky?” Brian asked in confusion. “What exactly are you doing?”

Ignoring him, John took Brian’s hand and pressed it firmly to his crotch. He watched as Brian’s expression turned to one of understanding. “Do you feel that?” he asked, struggling to keep the tears in.

“Yes.” It was said in barely more than a whisper.

“John?” Roger asked. “What the hell is going on?”

“Johanna.” John spat the name out as if it tasted bad.

“What?” Freddie asked in confusion.

“Johanna. It’s the name I had when I started dating Tim. The name that’s on my birth certificate.”

“You mean…?” Roger asked.

“I’m a transsexual. I was born a woman. That’s what Tim was trying to tell you guys all night.” The tears had finally started, huge racking sobs that shook John’s shoulders.

There was a pause before Brian started to move towards him. John shrank back like a frightened child. “I will leave right now. Just please- I don’t want to fight you.”

“Oh John” Brian murmured softly before sweeping the smaller man into a huge hug. John finally let himself go, burying his face into Brian’s shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. Roger and Freddie joined in the hug, all three of them holding John as he cried.

“I’m so sorry John” Brian whispered into John’s hair. “I’m so sorry you had to go through what happened tonight.”

John gently pulled away. “You guys aren’t… mad?”

“Oh darling how could we be?” Freddie asked him. “The only thing that upsets us is how that asshole treated you tonight.”

John took a deep breath, slightly encouraged. “Can I tell you guys something else?”

All three of them nodded. “I um- I’m attracted to all three of you.”

“Deaky if we did… that would we hurt you?” Roger asked seriously.

John shook his head. “No.”

“You promise darling?”

“I promise.”

Brian moved forward and started kissing John. The kisses were soft at first, slowly becoming heated as Brian moved his tongue into John’s mouth.  
As they kissed, Brian slowly snaked his hand down to John’s legs. “Is this… ok?”

“Yes” John panted.

Brian slipped his hand into john’s underwear and slowly began stroking him, gently inserting his fingers into John’s folds, John letting out soft little mewls of pleasure.  
All four of them moved to the bedroom, where John slowly lost his jeans and underwear, his eyes glued to the floor, as he felt all eyes lock on the area between his legs.

“Deaky you’re so…”

“So what?” John asked with a hint of anger, desperate not to hear “You’re so idiotic if you think we could love a freak like you.”

“So beautiful” Roger finished.

Before John could answer, he was on his back on the bed, being touched as if he were made of glass. “Can I fuck you Deaky?” Brian asked, almost shyly.

John nodded, at a loss for words.

“Umm- would you prefer anal?”

“Is that ok?”

Brian answered by lubing his fingers and slowly scissoring in and out, John moaning under him as Freddie and Roger made out.

Brian lubed up his cock and slowly entered John. “Move Brian. I’m not going to break.”

Brian took the hint and began thrusting deeply, not lasting long, coming deep in John’s ass. They fell into a sweaty heap next to Roger and Freddie, John’s eyes slowly closing.

“We love you John.”

As john slowly fell into sleep, he realized not one of them had called him Johanna.


End file.
